Posted by Patrick Woolmer on Tue 11th September 2007 at 03:09 AM, Filed in Chat Me Up

Now there’s certainly no guarantees with this lot… they are a little more risky for a ‘cold call’ but may bring a smile!

(Use index finger to call someone over then say) If I made you come this fast with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand. 

How’s yer fanny for cracking walnuts?

Excuse me, you have the whitest teeth I’ve ever cum across.

Do you want to f%&k or do I owe you an apology?

Do you know the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job? no, what are you doing for lunch tomorrow?


Posted by Ruth Miller on Fri 24th August 2007 at 02:43 AM, Filed in Chat Me Up

Let me start this post by saying that 99% of men enjoy a chase. It’s written into their genetics from back yonder when they were cracking each others skulls in with a wooden club to get the girl.

Men of course will never admit this to you, again – something to do with their weird genetics of not showing a weakness, as they are presenting vulnerability and all that.


If you want the boy of your dreams bear the above in mind and get him wanting you more by playing harder to get. Men often have a stronger sexual desire than women – ‘a need to shed their seed’ I call it, play on this and get them chasing you with a little harmless flirting. If you can do this then you are off to a great start.


Posted by Bob Bulmer on Sun 22nd July 2007 at 04:20 AM, Filed in Chat Me Up

If you have always struggled to get the date then you NEED to start using one of these (girls or boys). These are guaranteed success… unless you are a complete dork!

You see my friend over there? (Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar) He wants to know if YOU think I’M cute.

The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

I bet you £20 you’re gonna turn me down.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

You’re like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can’t stop ya.

Hey, Cheryl! (Big hug). I haven’t seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you’ve really changed! (I’m not Cheryl) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!

I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.

Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She’d like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning.

Excuse me, we have a problem here. You see that table over there? It has one too many chairs at it. Would you like to join me?

(give the person a pint of beer) Drink this, then call me when you’re ready.

Posted by Bob Bulmer on Wed 18th July 2007 at 04:05 AM, Filed in Chat Me Up

“Hi, I’m a virgin, so you don’t have to worry about catching anything.”

“I may be no Fred Flinstone but I can sure make your Bedrock.”

Make an abrupt turn in front of them, making the sound of tires screeching… saying, “Sorry, I forgot to put my blinkers on”.

“Your parents must be retarded because you are special”.

“I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you”.

“You must be jelly, because jam don’t shake like that”.

“You might as well sleep with me, I’ll tell my friends you did anyway”.

“Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!”

“If I followed you home, would you keep me?”

“Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas”.

Posted by Tom Wilkins on Mon 26th March 2007 at 06:12 PM, Filed in Chat Me Up

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary.

His wife was really angry. She told him “Tomorrow   morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!” 

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box,  gift-wrapped, in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

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