How far should I go on a first date?
Hi, I met this guy online recently and we have been chatting for months. We have flirted with a bit of sexually fuelled banter, but all in jest and nothing kinky. I really like him and it sounds like the feeling is mutual. I am meeting him next week and am now thinking I may have led him on a little too much and he’ll be expecting sex on the first date which I won’t do. How shall I play it? The more I think about it the more it worries me ;-<
Tina, Basingstoke, UK
Hi Tina
Thanks for your email. Yes you do have a right to be a little concerned as to the impression you may have given, it all depends upon the context of the chat that you have had. In your position you need to be firm as to rules and boundaries from early on. Start by not wearing anything too revealing on the date… show as little flesh as possible in fact, this way you’ll keep his imagination at bay from the outset.
Secondly, keep a firm distance from the outset. A gentle kiss on the cheek or even a hand shake is perfectly acceptable on a first date. A kiss on the lips from the outset says “come get me”! The same stands for the rest of the date, keep a distance and if he invades your space and you feel uncomfortable, make it visible that you are uncomfortable with this by just creating more space between you. He’ll get the message.
Thirdly, never feel pressured. If he likes you he will be led by you, don’t be led by him as most blokes (I hate to say it) are after one thing. If it is really uncomfortable get the hell out of there by going to the loo, and getting a mate to call you saying there is an emergency! He’ll get the message, trust me.
Finally, take control as to when the date ends. You need to retain the control and make the exit short and sweet. Remember that people desire the things they can’t have more!!!
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