Single Parents and Dating
This is a complex subject to some and simple to others. The first thing I will say as a single parent is that your kids should always come first, however don’t forget that you still have the right to go out and have loads of fun, including becoming part of the dating game…
Unfortunately single parents can often be labelled as having baggage (the kids) which if you think about it is a pretty awful thing to say. The truth is that because you have had the experiences you have this makes you a fantastic catch. Think about it, you have gone through one of the most amazing experience in life, probably have a great interaction with kids and therefore a sense of humour, have a maturity and responsibility abut you, and more than likely appreciate life in a more positive way.
Unfortunately some potential partners will always see your kids as a burden and be scared off. The simple fact here is that they are not ready to accept the situation, and are therefore not right for you. There are thousands of potential partners who are suitable and this is what you should remember.
Being a single parent can be a lonely business, don’t let it be. You are still as desirable to potential partners as you ever were, sometimes more so. I advise that you be truthful to others and yourself that you have children, and also be proud of the fact.
When you initially get into a relationship however, be aware that your partner may be finding it hard – respect their feelings and ask that they are honest with you and their feelings. Give them space if they need it. By putting them under too much pressure to accept your situation you may push them away. The phrase ‘Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey’ rings entirely true here.
Also, don’t expect your partner to immediately play dad or mum, it’s just not fair on their feelings and once again they may get panicked.
The situation differs depending upon the age of your children and a number of other factors. I would be more than happy to give you advice on your individual situation so feel free to email me.
In today’s crazy world of marriage and divorce, you are not alone in being a single parent and this is key to remembering when you next have doubts about your situation. Many dating websites give you the opportunity to state whether you have children or are married. Its common business these days and it is more than likely you will find a partner in a similar situation. The people who are put off are simply not worth entertaining.
It is important to remember that if your children are old enough to understand, tell them you are dating. Get their buy in by asking them for their view on your date and be sure to emphasise that they are not looking to take an ex partners place. Don’t be influenced by your children – go with your gut instinct about someone. If a child is unhappy its normally because they are threatened by losing your attention. Do more things with your kids, and very gently introduce your new partner – ONLY once you are comfortable in doing so.
In summary then, you and your kids are the most important thing, and anyone who wants just you and not the kids isn’t worth it in the long run as there will always be that niggle in the relationship! Never take second best, the fact that you have a child or two doesn’t discount you from enjoying the rest of your life with a new partner.
Be honest at all times and never be ashamed of what you have.
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