Smoking + Flirting = Smirting
Posted by Tom Wilkins on Sun 8th July 2007 at 04:06 AM, Filed in Niche Dating
Smirters everywhere in the UK have hit the streets since 1st July 2007, chuffing away on a street corner huddling away from the rain, and the police fine – how romantic.
Hanging about for 5-8 minutes in a makeshift shelter isn’t much fun, but smokers are finding their ideal partners in the same place – other chuffers! Think about it, you probably enjoy smoking and therefore want to be around other people who also enjoy it - smokers have created their own little community that’s hot for lovin!
Now before you all decide to go and take up smirting for the sake of meeting someone, know that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray – try it!
The Sun recently published a guide to smirting:
Always have a lighter
A decent lighter is an essential piece of kit for any self-respecting smirter. After all, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll be approached by somebody looking for one. You can also pretend to need a light when required. It could be the spark of a beautiful relationship.
Practice inhaling
The sight of slovenly Jo O’Meara smoking like a trooper on Celebrity Big Brother was truly dreadful. Make sure you inhale with a touch of class. Think Marlene Dietrich and James Dean. Your chances of hooking up with someone will be smokin’.
Wait for rain
Smirting gets a lot easier if there’s rain to contend with. It forces smokers closer together under canopies and umbrellas, making flirtatious small-talk more likely. Lads should also have their own brollies available. Rescue a girl from a hair-frizzing downpour and she’ll love you forever.
Don’t cough
Nothing kills conversation like a phlegmatic smoker’s cough. The successful smirter suppresses the tickle in their throat until potential dates are at a safe distance. Have a drink on hand to calm the need to cough.
Use one-liners
Standing around with a bunch of strangers can be a toe-curling experience. Nothing gets a conversation going like a cheesy smirting one-liner. Here’s three possibilities:
Do you smoke here often?
Fancy meeting up again sometime? Or would that be a bit of a drag?
Reach into your drink for an ice cube, smash it down on the table and say, “Now that I’ve broken the ice can I get you a drink?”
Be generous
Nobody likes a tightwad. If you’re happily smirting with someone and their fag runs out, quickly offer them another. It could buy you extra time together. If you’ve met outside a bar or café, casually suggest a drink back inside.
Smoking etiquette applies
Even though you’re in the company of fellow nicotine addicts, certain smoking rules still apply. Remember to blow smoke away from people’s faces, position your cigarette so it isn’t wafting in someone’s direction and stub out those butts properly.
Mints at the ready
Smirt correctly and after finishing your fag you could be lucky enough to get a kiss. Make sure the moment isn’t ruined by the lingering taste of a cigarette. After quickly munching a breath mint, you’ll be ready to seal the deal.
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