The ultimate guide to online dating safety

Posted by Hayden Allen-Vercoe on Sun 25th June 2006 at 02:13 PM, Filed in Dating Safety

Many online dating sites offer a fun and secure environment to meet your perfect match.  However all the different sites give inconsistent online dating advice when it comes to safety.  I have been through a selection of the leading brands and put the following detailed list together, picking out the need to know information and listed it below… 

What I can’t teach you is common sense, just use your gut feeling and if anything seems suspicious or too good to be true – then unfortunately it normally is.

Start slow
Control those emotions!  It’s too easy to jump the gun sometimes and get carried away with dreams of desert islands etc.  Get to know them initially through email (using your member name only to start with) or a ‘messenger’ service if the site has one.  Test them out on some personality led questions, acquired tastes and scenarios and if you think there is a match, great…. But if any alarm bells ring – move on!

Protect your identity
During the initial stages of the dating game you MUST keep your identity hidden.  Look for a dating site that offers an ‘anonymous platform’ – most of them do these days.  Only when you are comfortable with the person you are speaking to can you divulge your true identity.  Whatever you do, if you are asked for your telephone number of address details for work or home, just refuse and be suspicious.  If they are freaking you out, report them to the website who will take action.

Ask for a photo
There are often good reasons why people haven’t posted a photo, however always be aware that they may not choose to put one up because they have something to hide.  You will no doubt want to see what they look like before you date them anyway!  There really are not any excuses for not posting a photo so beware of anyone who keeps making excuses.

Use the phone test
If you get to the stage when you have clearly got something in common and from photos you have a clear attraction between you, ask to get their number and make a call to them.  You will be able to judge loads about them from their tone of voice on specific subjects, their humour, and how interesting they are.  If they don’t offer up their number, maybe it’s too soon for them, but maybe they are trying to hide something.  Don’t give out your number unless you are entirely conmfortable with the situation.

The date!
Once you have collected all the information and there are clearly some sparks present, now it’s time for your first date.  Read my tips for the first date for some pointers.  Always remember to meet in a public place where there are loads of people around, and ladies – watch that your drink doesn’t get tampered with.  At any time if you are feeling uncomfortable you are entirely within your rights to get up and leave.  You answer to no-one apart from yourself.

Alarm bells
Watch for signs that your date doesn’t display anger, frustration or attempts to pressure you into decisions you really don’t want to make.  If they do then now is your chance to get out and fast.  You should be concerned if your date exhibits any of the following behavior without providing an acceptable explanation:

- Lies about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession, employment, etc.
- Refuses to speak to you on the phone after establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
- Fails to provide direct answers to direct questions.
- Appears significantly different in person from his or her online persona.
- Never introduces you to friends, professional associates or family members.

Read my article on Signs you may have a stalker.

Have a back up plan
Whenever you go on a date ensure you always have a plan to escape if it doesn’t work out.  There are loads of ways to get out of it, but personally you can’t beat being honest and owning up to the fact you don’t see any duration in the relationship.

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