Just walk away from an angry lover.
Ever heard of the saying ‘It takes a bigger man/woman to walk away”?
Well, in the case of arguing with your other half this still stands true, and it’s been scientifically proven. A clever fella called John Gottman, Ph.D. found that when an argument really heats up you experience an increased heart rate and a surge in stress hormones, dubbed “flooding.”
“Flooding is a physiological response to the stress of an argument that sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. The emotional side of your brain is so aroused that it overtakes your logical side, and you’re no longer capable of being productive in the fight.”
So basically when you ‘flood’ you end up being destructive. “Once couples open the floodgates, they start bringing up things that happened years ago, tapping into old feelings of pain and hurt. It’s in these moments of fury that you blurt out hurtful things you would never say in a calm, clear state of mind.”
Flooding is actually more common in men and it’s crucial that one of you recognises when this happens and suggests a ‘Time Out’! If you don’t then you could do some permanent damage to a relationship by saying something you really don’t mean. Just step out of the firing line and go take a breather.
There’s no harm in going to bed angry every now and then, you’ll both feel different in the morning – you may not talk immediately… but that will soon pass if you have followed the above rules. Just be sure to settle the argument one way or another – compromise is key remember.
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